The Open Door

Writing group last night, sitting around Carol’s table, there were many prompts available to us to get on and write. We plumped for this quote that could be used as a starter for a poem or a piece of prose. I chose prose.

Today we believe that tomorrow will knock and lead us to an open door.

Here is my story, it took me 30 minutes to write.

She lay looking at the sign on the wall above the lintel to the door of her room. It was painted a pale green colour, the writing in cream highlighted in gold. Typical of the signs you found in shops similar to ‘The Present’, a gift shop she remembered from the High Street, long since closed. Motivational quotes written to encourage and raise morale.

Maria shifted her head and turned her face away from the sign. It was an effort now to move, these past few days she had been feeling much weaker and ever movement took a lot of energy. Energy that was quickly slipping out of her body, squeezed out by numerous growths that had taken up residence, unwanted and uninvited.

But the phrase had got in her head. It nagged her and made her restless. Waking her in the dark of night, boring holes in her sleep fence that no herd of sheep could fill.

Tomorrow will knock and lead us to an open door. Up to this point she had dreaded death. Moving into the hospice three weeks ago was in her mind the final straw. She had fought this illness for so long, so many different drug trails, so many different doctors who tried so many strategies. She had entered the hospice reluctantly. It had felt so defeatist and she was a fighter.

And now she had a glimmer of hope. What if death would be a new doorway of living for her? What if with death there came new life. A new way of living? Maybe not the purgatory that the nuns and priest had drummed into her as a child, but something else?

Maria’s days and nights were now filled with thoughts on what would be beyond that open door.

If according to Hindu beliefs she was going to pass through the door and be reborn, she wished to come back as a grasshopper. Whiling away the days in the sun eating grass and singing to herself.

If according to Buddhist beliefs her consciousness continued in another form, she wanted to be an oak trees. In fact the one acorn in an oak tree harvest that was able to put down roots. She would grow and live for over 500 years, watching, observing, connecting with other trees and lifeforms.

If according to Islam, on her death she would be taken by Azar’il and be questioned by two further angels, she would have to get her answers right to ensure a pleasant resting place in Barzakh!

Maria realised how similar this belief was to the purgatory tales of her childhood. The purgatory according to her mum, where she would be picking up pieces of thread and the many pins she had dropped in her sewing lessons. She smiled remembering these close times with her mum whilst sewing her dolls clothes.

How are you doing today Maria?

A voice broke into her thoughts. Maria turned to see that the shift had changed and a new nurse was sitting by her bed. ‘I’m good, waiting for the knock.’

‘Waiting for the knock?’ replied the nurse.

Maria gestured with her head to the sign over the door. ‘Oh’, came the reply. ‘What’s your viewpoint on what’s beyond that open door?’ enquired Maria.

‘Well..’she could sense that Lydia, as that was her name, was torn between duty to her patient and keeping a neutral professional approach and also had a clear interest in the topic.

Lydia, shifted her body in the chair, helping her to block her voice from the open door and the staff nurse behind.

‘I’m a humanist, I believe that we have one life and we need to live it well. There is no afterlife, no reincarnation. It is important that we live each day well.’

As the days passed, Maria’s mind drifted, had she lived each day well? Was there more she could do before tomorrow knocked and led her to that open door?

The root split the casing of the acorn. It had lain in the soil for a good few months, feeling the cold of the winter and the coming warmth of spring. As the root reached down into the soil it could feel and sense other plants around it. Tomorrow will knock, the green shoot was ready to push its way up through he open door of the soil ready to face the light.

Where did that story come from? Definitely from an article I had read at the weekend of a woman who wrote the stories of people near end of life. Here’s a link if you want to read it too. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/mar/05/what-being-a-hospice-volunteer-taught-me-about-life-and-death

I also wanted to include the word ‘hope’ as Carol my writing colleague didn’t want to write about it. Hope is always left in the box of stories.

If you liked my story, please leave a positive comment to keep me writing.

Treasures in time – where did that come from?

Summer a season for just slowing down your pace.

This story was written a few summers ago when I pulled a distant memory from my childhood to put into words.

Much of this story is true.

Uncle George, lived across the road from my childhood home. By his blue front door, you would find purple rhododendrons, in august they would be past their flowering time. What you would find would be the brown dried up flower heads, with spider webs adorning.

Uncle George as we knew him was an archaeologist and did attend and take part in may digs in the local area. His house was very much as I have written it in the story you may have just read.

He was a kind and gentle man, I think he had family but cannot ever remember who they were and recall them visiting him.

He always had a pocket full of Murray mints and if I were to eat one today, I would remember him with true affection.

The little fossil I found that August afternoon, did disappear. I am pretty certain it ended up in the collections of one of my older siblings. Who knows, not me! But my search for that elusive piece of magic goes on. When I am digging in my garden or beachcombing, my eyes will be down with Uncle George’s voice gently whispering in my ear.

Fairy Godmother

I found out today that it is #nationalhotteaday


Tea! I love it, but don’t love caffeine and managed to kick caffeine out of my diet in 2018. I still love tea, my favourite drinks being Turmeric tea or Rooibos.

I start each day with a cup of rooibos in my fairy godmother mug that was gifted by my Goddaughter Alice. I’m a Godmother to 3 people all of who are adults now.

As I am in writing mode I set myself a challenge to think of 9 different Fairy God Mothers, each one would drink from one of these mugs.

1. She never forgets any event in your life. Always there ready to give a helping hand.

2. She collects Godchildren like the child catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

3. She longs to be a Fairy Godmother, has the presents, the speeches, the tokens of love but is locked in a house and cannot get out.

4. She thinks Godchildren should be seen and not heard and preferably not seen.

5. She loved being a Fairy Godmother but is out of wishes right now.

6. She was not asked to be a Fairy Godmother and is trying really hard not to mess up the christening.

7. She has 12,458 Godchildren. As an ant Fairy Godmother, her work is never done.

8. She is a ghostly Fairy Godmother. Occasionally she gets to help in the liminal space between sleeping and waking.

9. She has just been voted the top 1 out of 100 Fairy Godmothers and is prepping her costume with new gossamer wings for the award ceremony.

It is quite amazing what I can write whilst I nurse a cup of tea.

Happy writing everyone.

Questions you should ask yourself every day.

I cut out and kept this list of questions written by Matt Haig in January 2016.

I came across this today and thought that they were a useful prompt for me as I develop my new writing habit.

How many times have I checked my phone today when I didn’t need to? Too many times. This phone is going out of my study tomorrow.

Have I learned something new today? Yes, my lovely boy showed me a wonderful video all about Casper David Friedrich. A 19th -century German Romantic landscape painter.

Have I helped someone? Yes, I took my sister to work today which saved her a trip on the train.

Have I eaten something that’s given me pleasure? Absolutely, I ate a piece of Love cake, which melted in my mouth, with memories of making it for my mum.

Am I getting the right amount of sleep and if not, is it affecting my mood? I woke early today sadly with a nightmare. Hoping to have better dreams tonight.

Have I spent longer facing a screen than outdoors with my loved ones? I have been outdoors quite a bit today, visiting a friend and walking the dog. I have spent time in front of a screen but with my family whilst watching a favourite family programme.

How much time have I spent procrastinating or doing pointless work, and how can I avoid doing it tomorrow? I did the piece of work I set out to do today. But it did take me a lot longer than necessary. Tomorrow, my forest app will be put into action. Maybe I can plant a tree or two?

Oh what a beautiful morning

Impervious mackintosh shielding against

rain as it

drips from the

spokes of my rainbow umbrella

Wellingtons, soggy

with a leak in the toe

detracting my eye from the sparkles

of my rainbow coloured umbrella

Umbrella spinning slowly

in a puddle

Blown from my hand

allowing the rain to

drip

from my coat

into my wellingtons

Squelch!

Savouring

As I walked, I had to step around the bodies. Standing still, faces bathed in a golden glow.  Cameras out pointing to the sky.  I glanced up, the clouds high, puffy and white against a deep blue sky.  That blue sky that I love so much accompanied me on my journey.  

I walked on a little further, crossing the busy junction continuing to dodge the statue bodies all looking up. Men, women, teenagers, workers and shoppers on one of the busiest junctions in London at Oxford Street yesterday the 6th October late afternoon. 

As I crossed the road I stopped in the middle and turned and looked to my right.   

I too was then transfixed by the wonder in the sky.  My fellow humans had been sending me messages that I for a short time had ignored. ‘Sam, stop, pause and lookup.’  

They were drawn to the energy from the evening sun as it lit like a beacon, low in the sky.  We were all taking part in a collective moment of awe and wonder. The sunlight lit the busyness of the street, bouncing off the tops of buses and the bonnets of the cars and taxis.  Each person knew that this was something special.  

As I took in the view, felt the sun on my face, I too pulled out my camera to capture the glory of that moment. Then put away my phone and stood #savouring the moment.  

Drinking it in, I could feel the sunshine warming my bones, topping up my energy. I had a moment when I wanted to talk to someone near me, but not wanting to break into the reverie they were experiencing, I stood still and shared the joy that they were feeling. There was a palpable sense of joy all around me. 

As I crossed over and continued on my way, there was a lightness in my step and a smile on my face and the faces of others who had savoured the beauty that evening. 

This moment fitted so beautifully into my week as on Tuesday I had led my late summer/early autumn masterclass which was all about savouring. The power of savouring that I experienced yesterday was pretty special.  

So join me and use this hashtag and share moments of #savouring this autumn. I would love to share those moments with you.

I am interested in finding out how you are savouring life right now. 

Too much

I joined a wonderful Kitchen table creative writing group last week. We had 3 prompts and had to write to a time limit of about 12 minutes.

This first piece was prompted by a recording of a leaf blower. I enjoyed writing this. I promise I am not a noisy neighbour!

“ Pete, this is it!  You have used that leaf blower so many times this week.  There cannot possibly be any leaves left in your garden to blow! 

What is it with the blower, can’t you use a rake or a brush?

Yesterday, my book club friends came around and we had just fired up the BBQ and you started. 

The day before we were all trying to enjoy the paddling pool and the waterslide and you started.  

Sunday, when we were having a late night drinks party to watch the perseid meteor shower you started.  

What exactly is going on?” screamed Sam over the hedge. 

“Don’t stop there Sam, what about Saturday, when you had a mini sports day in your garden to celebrate the Olympics? 

Or Friday when your teens had their very own rave till 3a.m.

Or maybe last Monday when your whole extended family came out to celebrate ‘freedom day’.  There’s plenty more I could go on.” retorted Pete.

 

“What the heck”, Sam replied.  “Are you trying to tell me that I make too much noise, that I’m the one who is at fault?  That my social engagements are too much for you?” shouted Sam who had turned a lovely shade of puce. 

“Yes, they are,” replied Pete. 

“Too much

Too loud 

Too often 

And just too bloody noisy!”

That was it, Sam turned on her heel and stomped indoors. Her blood boiled just a little bit more as Pete switched on his leaf blower. 

12 minutes, written on the prompt of anger and to the noise of a leaf blower. 

Keep that hand moving

I like the practice of writing non stop for a period of time. It allows my brain and body to get into sync and let the ideas flow.

This piece was written whilst I sat in the National Portrait Gallery in February 2017. I pulled this one out as I remember the day very well. It was cold out but warm inside. The art attendants were almost snoozing in the heat of the building. There a few people in the gallery, out of tourist season (when there was a tourist season) a couple trailed around giving a cursory glance at the paintings. I sat quietly, put pen to paper and let the thoughts flow onto the paper.

Here’s my wandering thoughts captured in time that day ending with a short poem.

Dark, grim, determined and resolute. Sure of what they know, what they do and what they have done.

Averted eyes, cast down make me think that they are scared to look the artist squarely in the eye as they are afraid that the artist will see into their deepest desires.

Was this the fashion of the time to avert our gaze? Is looking straight forward a challenge, a risk too far? By looking ahead you could be caught off guard, hit from behind by a glancing blow, a push or a shove.

This is how it feels now in this world. The feeling around makes you want to hunker down, hid away from the darkness which is rising in the west and is setting in the east. By looking down away from the challenges you do not see what changes you can make?

Who are these people before me/ The political thinkers of their time quickly forgotten except for the oil paintings which hang in this gallery for all to see.

Aahh, now I read the labels and see that they are not politicians but poets and philosophers.

Algernon Charles Swinbourne 1837 – 1909 Friend of rossetti and poet, a young man in the portrait with red curls and a piercing stare into the future, holding his head up and looking out. As a poet who wants to see the world and be ahead of the game.

John Stuart Mill – Philosopher 1817 – 1904 Looking down, an old man with thinning hair. His eyes almost black and downward looking. His mouth in a set determined line.

What did he think about when he died? What were the first thoughts that came to his head? When did he realise that the world was a bigger place than his family? did he just sit and think, learn and read or did he work in another way to earn his keep? What seasons did he prefer and why? Did he ever learn to swim. What would he make of the world today? Would he want to follow another path? Who knows, there are no right answers for time has taken both poet and philosopher to a different place. Poet and Philosopher together placed near but not near in thoughts and ideas, wealth and power, age, youth and fitness of thoughts, deeds and works.

Semi lit

Quiet, hushed

Ready for sleep

Murmuring from afar

Creaky shoes on polished floors

Stopping, stepping, moving off

The hum of cars and lorries and

doors clicking one by one

Lowered voices

choosing not to disturb

the portraits on the walls which

line the wide wooden corridors

One by one

accurately mapping onto the walls

Keeping check of time

Tired, knee, stiff

cold, up since 5.15

Sit down, chat, talk

recuperate, connect with other

people

Samantha Jayasuriya